Fortune Teller

I'm sitting here just thinking about somethings!! I had my fortune told to me at Wal-Mart Super Center in the juice section!! Crazy right!! Only me! Lol. It was nice to here that my life would be full of happiness and success! But he did say that I haven't reached my full potential?! Hmm...what does that mean i wonder?! I mean I kinda know..because I do feel that I am on the cusp on something great! I just gotta stay focused! =)

*this boy has got me all of out sorts!! Crazy I know!!!

To my *pup

I would've never guessed that you and I would be brought together. But we were....we will be forever linked together and I'm okay with that. But I can't give you anymore than I already have. You will always have a place in my heart and in my mind. But we can't continue. You carved space in your life for me and I didn't do the same for you. You shared you feelings with me and I let you in a little bit. Although I don't believe that your feelings for me are as true as you have stated them to be, you will remain special to me. But that's all it can be....a special moment in both of our lives. In some twisted way we were brought together.
There is a lesson to be learned in all things. I've learned I can't play with people's feelings especially when I'm not sure of my own. I can't allow people to come into my life if I'm not ready and willing to deal with all of what their presence has to offer. I hope you have learned that you must respect the boundaries that are put down...they are put down for a reason. I hope you know that you deserve a girl that can reciprocate your actions and feelings to the nth degree. I know that I deserve more than what you were offering. You're not a bad guy and we've shared some happy/comical moments but you're not the guy for me. We were brought together for a period of time and I know in my heart that's all it can be....a brief moment shared between two unsuspecting people. As much as I would love having you in my life in some aspect, I don't see anything good coming out of it. Because I can't be what you want me to be and you can't be what I want you to be either. And quite honestly, I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be at the moment which makes all of this even harder. I would love for you to just hold me underneath the starring stars and tell me everything will be okay. But it's the next day and we must return to our real lives which don't include either one of us. I know that you don't understand where I'm coming from and that's completely understandable. But know that I think of you often. It's time for me to hold myself underneath the starring stars and tell myself it's going to be okay....and be completely comfortable in my own voice. Your voice has dictated many of my feelings and actions. Trust and believe, I don't regret any of it. But I must take a stand and get to know myself without your influence or anyone elses.


"So it goes I never meant to hurt you.Couldn't stay but I never meant two desert you.Whole lotta things I just had to work through.Time to heal & restore my self worth too.Confrontation of my fears and anxiety. Cried a whole lot years I suffered quietly. And though it may have taken years I can finally...tell you that you were always on my mind! .....I had to lose myself, so I can make it better"
-L.Hill

Eat.Pray.Love

"You should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practice staying strong" (137).

I just finished reading "Eat,Pray,Love" and it was such a wonderful book!!!!!!!! Her life was going nowhere fast and she took the time to figure out how she could turn her life around. Now as much as I would love to pause my life and travel around the world finding myself, I don't have the financial resources or the time (I'm a college student!! Lol). However, the one thing that I have in common with the author is that I'm finding myself in every moment. I once thought I had a tight reign on who I was and what I wanted our of life. But all of that has changed. And in some aspects of my life I do know what I want. In regards to my academic life and my career, I have a clear cut plan so to speak. I do realize that plans change....but I see my goal at the end of this academic journey. But my day to day purpose is something that I'm struggling. Everything that I have known, my comfort zone, has been turned upside down because of my actions. Honestly I can't say that I'm saddened...but it is an adjustment. I'm getting used to this new found freedom of me. This new found responsibility. There are some moments in which I want to run back into the arms of my safety net. But I know that not only can that not happen easily, it also just can't happen. I can't turn back the hands of time at all and quite honestly I don't want to. Don't get me wrong, there are few conversations here and there I would tweak because of what I know now. But I don't have that luxury. I'm beginning to realize that everyone must take responsibility for their actions...everyone is culpable for the things that happen in there lives. I'm not saying that people deserve the chaos that life brings....but some of the chaos is created by the person. I would know...I've created my own chaos just for kicks at times. But that is not fair to any of the parties involved including me.

Where do I go from here?!<---This is the question I've been asking myself for the past month. I feel as though the answer is up!! But other times I'm not quite sure how to answer it. I have somethings to workout and think about and figure out. Sometimes I feel as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Sometimes my spirit gets so bogged down in worrying about everyone else's opinion about what is best for me. Like my Uncle said, "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one" It's true everyone seems to have an opinion/thought about everything that I do...most times I haven't asked for the "advice" if you will. It has been offered to me and I take all the words to heart. But that ish has ended. Some people don't know some of the things that I've experienced because I would rather not hear their criticism.

I'm not hiding from the truth I would just like to listen to my own truth for once!! I'm listening to my own voice. My clear voice. My inner voice. It feels great...at times it's a daunting task but I'm up for the challenge =)

Q.u.o.t.e.s

All great divas have a trick or two up their sleeves. It keeps the wannabees in their place--Big Dee Dee (Half&Half)

God gives you one life don't waste it on a loser-Kris Kardashian

What looks like crazy on an ordinary looks a lot like love if you catch in in the moonlight--Pearl Cleage

A man can go from being a lover to being a stranger in three moves flat but a woman under the guise of friendship will engage in acts of duplicity which come to light very much later. There are different species of self-justification. -Anita Brookner

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

SCHOOL'S OUT...What's a girl to do?! :) HAVE FUN!! The quarter ended well academically and I finally have a summer where my g.p.a is not lingering over me. It feels nice.

I have been on here in a long time. I really haven't had anything to say even though my world has been out of control lately. No worries most of the mayhem has been welcomed for the most part. 21 has opened up so many doors! 21 is great ....it has been good to me! 21 has also caused me to rethink and reevaluate many things. It's crazy how I've been feeling lately. The feelings that I'm experiencing are two separate entities. I'm not really sure what to do with them. Where do I put them. They are kinda lingering in limbo, just hanging out. As of right now, that's where they are going to stay. I'm not really in any rush to make any decisions because I'm not really comfortable in decisions I make as of right now when it comes to the opposite sex because I'm confused. So I think deciding nothing is my best bet. It's the safest thing to do.

I want this to be a summer to remember and I think it will :)

*Side note......this boy is confusing me!!! I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to be feeling about him. I know that I'm walking a fine line which admittedly is fun. But he owes me nothing. He doesn't have to text me/call me, nothing me. I've completely wrapped my head around that and understand that. So we shall see what happens. This Girl just wants to have fuuun!!!!! <3

NightTime Thoughts

So many things are going through my mind right now........

My mind hasn't stopped racing since I turned 21 =) and I'm not even mad at that. 

I have so many decisions to make from here on out. And I'm think I'm ready to handle them.

I'm happy and things are starting to fall into place 

{all smiles}

On to the next...

I'm 21!!! What an exciting weekend however I realize that the best decisions are made sober!!!

Anyway...After the weekend I've experienced I realized more than ever when it comes to the men in my life. Lol. I want a bf and I can't keep blocking his entrance into my life with foolishness.

The Hiatus begins today. =) and I'm totally okay with it. I can do nothing but patient and make more responsible decisions. I want to be treated like an adult therefore I have to act like one and this is a concept that affects other aspects of my life besides the relationships/friendships that I have with boys. I don't regret what happened or anything that was said. But hindsight is 20/20 and I've learned from my missteps.

Now it's time to move on to the next chapter and new adventures!