I just finished reading "Eat,Pray,Love" and it was such a wonderful book!!!!!!!! Her life was going nowhere fast and she took the time to figure out how she could turn her life around. Now as much as I would love to pause my life and travel around the world finding myself, I don't have the financial resources or the time (I'm a college student!! Lol). However, the one thing that I have in common with the author is that I'm finding myself in every moment. I once thought I had a tight reign on who I was and what I wanted our of life. But all of that has changed. And in some aspects of my life I do know what I want. In regards to my academic life and my career, I have a clear cut plan so to speak. I do realize that plans change....but I see my goal at the end of this academic journey. But my day to day purpose is something that I'm struggling. Everything that I have known, my comfort zone, has been turned upside down because of my actions. Honestly I can't say that I'm saddened...but it is an adjustment. I'm getting used to this new found freedom of me. This new found responsibility. There are some moments in which I want to run back into the arms of my safety net. But I know that not only can that not happen easily, it also just can't happen. I can't turn back the hands of time at all and quite honestly I don't want to. Don't get me wrong, there are few conversations here and there I would tweak because of what I know now. But I don't have that luxury. I'm beginning to realize that everyone must take responsibility for their actions...everyone is culpable for the things that happen in there lives. I'm not saying that people deserve the chaos that life brings....but some of the chaos is created by the person. I would know...I've created my own chaos just for kicks at times. But that is not fair to any of the parties involved including me.
Where do I go from here?!<---This is the question I've been asking myself for the past month. I feel as though the answer is up!! But other times I'm not quite sure how to answer it. I have somethings to workout and think about and figure out. Sometimes I feel as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Sometimes my spirit gets so bogged down in worrying about everyone else's opinion about what is best for me. Like my Uncle said, "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one" It's true everyone seems to have an opinion/thought about everything that I do...most times I haven't asked for the "advice" if you will. It has been offered to me and I take all the words to heart. But that ish has ended. Some people don't know some of the things that I've experienced because I would rather not hear their criticism.
I'm not hiding from the truth I would just like to listen to my own truth for once!! I'm listening to my own voice. My clear voice. My inner voice. It feels great...at times it's a daunting task but I'm up for the challenge =)
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