~loVeLy~

Studying is the story of my life...it's almost over!
I'm so ready to put in work to study for my finals and get them over with!
Life is getting back on track these days!
I have fallen in love with Adele{ this new singer from London}
Here is her song
"Melt My Heart To Stone"
Right under my feet
There's air
Made of bricks
Pulls me down
Turns me weak
For you
I find myself
Repeating like
A broken tune
And I'm forever
Excusing
Your intentions
And I give in
To my pretendings
Which forgive you
Each time
Without me knowing
They melt my heart
To stone
[Chorus:]
And I hear your words
That I made up
You say my name
Like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head
I'm the only one in love
I'm the only one in love
Each and every time
I turn around to leave
I feel my heart
Begin to burst
And bleed
So desperately
I try to link it
With my head
But instead
I fall back
To my knees
As you tear your way
Right through me
I forgive you
Once again
Without me knowing
You've burnt
My heart to stone
(Chorus)
Why do you
Steal my hand
Whenever
I'm standing
My own ground
You build me up
Then leave me dead
Well
(Chorus)

• I just love her songs. Her voice is so soulful. I can feel it! I'm glad I stumbled upon her! Go Adele :)
• Manchester United+Andrea+Me=A GOOD TIME. I have to say, I love that girl! I hope one day, she realizes how wonderful she is. Same goes for Nicole!! They are just great! I love spending time with them.
• Phone conversations with Dearest [best part of my day]...she makes me so happy! I love talking to her.
• I am so extremely blessed to be here. To be give a second chance @ success. Thank you Father God. Thank you for the people that are in my life and the people that will come. Lord I ask that to the people that are no longer fully in my life, you let them I wish them all the best. You are a wonderful Lord :), Amen.
• Kimmie, that girl..what do I say? Who knew would be friends?! Actually, I did!! Love that girl as well!
• To Pebbles&FeFe---I LOVE YALL...FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART <3
• And with that, I say goodnight! Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. A day full of studying and time with Patty, which is always a good time!!

~thoughts~

• I love my friends <3
• I love the new Beyonce songs...my new favorite things
• Life is going well. I'm just enjoying the last few days of school before finals begin. I'll be studying all this weekend
• Since this thing with J happened I have been thinking about what I want to happen in regards to males. I don't want anymore male friends. Boys that want to be friends need not apply!! :) I have enough male friends...I guess if they want to be friends, the lines will be very clear!! I know things happen for a reason. I know I am supposed to learn from everything that I have been through this quarter. I know that they are going to be more experiences. I am ready...BrIng it :)

Complete Disbelief

I'm hurt.
How do you deal with this?
I don't even know.
I'm so angry with him and with myself.
I haven't cried and I don't think I will. I am hurt but my tears will be angry ones and I don't have the time for angry tears.
Tomorrow is another day.
I refuse to stay in this place.
This is it.
I can't hold on to this and be upset.
I refuse.

Hurting

I'm hurt....
enough said

Writing poems after parties

My heart silently breaks every time I realize you are getting farther and farther away from me
You come to me with your hopes and dreams
Effortlessly sharing them with me
I have taken each hope and dream
And placed myself in them
Imagining a time when we were an us
Not just friends
A time when I was the best part of your day
But you also come to me with the image of the girl of your dreams
I am not her
I am not her
I am not the girl that makes your heart stop
When you look at her because her presence has taken over
I am not her
As I write this
My heart silently breaks
But I put it back together
Mending it with Band-Aids
Hoping they are strong enough to keep my heart intact for the time being
So when you told me about that other girl
Gave me her name and all her attributes
You actually slapped me in the face and didn't even know it
Here I am wearing my heart on my sleeve
For no one but you
And you don't even notice
Don't even notice the quite moments between us
The moments when I put my heart away to be the friend
You have been accustomed to know
I have not mastered the art of being your friend and your potential love
I am teetering on a tight rope
A thin line
Hoping and praying that I don't fall

Thoughts

So I had the best sleep today. My body was tired and in need of some sleep! It feels good to wake up and feel rested. Tomorrow afternoon, I volunteer with The Girls...I hope it goes well!! I think it will. Gina and friends are coming tomorrow night. I am excited but at the same time I hope nothing crazy happens. I don't the time nor the patience for that!!!
My mother is the most amazing! Gotta love her <3
THREE MORE WEEKS of school left and then I'm done for three months!!
This quarter went by helli fast. I have a lot of stuff before I return home!
*Blessed*

The Not So Secret Gift

With a shining bow on top, I neatly tuck my feelings for you away in the dark spaces of my being. They will stay there for safe keeping. Quietly parading them on my sleeve hasn’t really gotten me anywhere. I hide them; gently place them in a corner. So far back that no one will see the secret gift I gave myself. My gift will remain close, in dark spaces. Unable to see the light, revealing its cracks, its imperfections, it fears and flaws. They are hidden so deep within me that sometimes I forget that they are there. But then I think about you, see you, hear you and the feelings burst the neatly, painstakingly wrapped gift open. They are strewn about, for all to see. For you to see. But you don’t see the cracks that your inattention has caused. You don’t see the silent moments shared between us that I have committed to memory. You don’t see the moments because you don’t see me. Although, I am there, right in front of you. Holding my breath, wondering when you will see me. Day after day after day I pick up my broken gift with the hope that your hands will brush against mine because you are helping me put it back together. Because you too have a secret gift of feelings wrapped up to give to me. I guess I should start breathing again; the day that you share your gift with me is never going to come. The dark spaces of my being would like to think otherwise. But my heart knows that you will never know about my gift if I don’t reveal it to you. My gift refuses to be hidden. But my heart doesn’t seem to have the courage to take a chance on you. My heart thinks about the day after I allow you to see the crevices of my dark spaces, the places where my secrets, my fears, my goals lie. What then? Will you give me a tour of the places where you whisper your secrets? My heart knows better. You haven’t seen me then, and you are not going to see me now. I am not one to give up easily however I know when I should bow out. This is one of those things that are out my hands, out of my control. But how long can I wait until my heart and dark spaces settle their differences?