Writing poems after parties

My heart silently breaks every time I realize you are getting farther and farther away from me
You come to me with your hopes and dreams
Effortlessly sharing them with me
I have taken each hope and dream
And placed myself in them
Imagining a time when we were an us
Not just friends
A time when I was the best part of your day
But you also come to me with the image of the girl of your dreams
I am not her
I am not her
I am not the girl that makes your heart stop
When you look at her because her presence has taken over
I am not her
As I write this
My heart silently breaks
But I put it back together
Mending it with Band-Aids
Hoping they are strong enough to keep my heart intact for the time being
So when you told me about that other girl
Gave me her name and all her attributes
You actually slapped me in the face and didn't even know it
Here I am wearing my heart on my sleeve
For no one but you
And you don't even notice
Don't even notice the quite moments between us
The moments when I put my heart away to be the friend
You have been accustomed to know
I have not mastered the art of being your friend and your potential love
I am teetering on a tight rope
A thin line
Hoping and praying that I don't fall

Thoughts

So I had the best sleep today. My body was tired and in need of some sleep! It feels good to wake up and feel rested. Tomorrow afternoon, I volunteer with The Girls...I hope it goes well!! I think it will. Gina and friends are coming tomorrow night. I am excited but at the same time I hope nothing crazy happens. I don't the time nor the patience for that!!!
My mother is the most amazing! Gotta love her <3
THREE MORE WEEKS of school left and then I'm done for three months!!
This quarter went by helli fast. I have a lot of stuff before I return home!
*Blessed*

The Not So Secret Gift

With a shining bow on top, I neatly tuck my feelings for you away in the dark spaces of my being. They will stay there for safe keeping. Quietly parading them on my sleeve hasn’t really gotten me anywhere. I hide them; gently place them in a corner. So far back that no one will see the secret gift I gave myself. My gift will remain close, in dark spaces. Unable to see the light, revealing its cracks, its imperfections, it fears and flaws. They are hidden so deep within me that sometimes I forget that they are there. But then I think about you, see you, hear you and the feelings burst the neatly, painstakingly wrapped gift open. They are strewn about, for all to see. For you to see. But you don’t see the cracks that your inattention has caused. You don’t see the silent moments shared between us that I have committed to memory. You don’t see the moments because you don’t see me. Although, I am there, right in front of you. Holding my breath, wondering when you will see me. Day after day after day I pick up my broken gift with the hope that your hands will brush against mine because you are helping me put it back together. Because you too have a secret gift of feelings wrapped up to give to me. I guess I should start breathing again; the day that you share your gift with me is never going to come. The dark spaces of my being would like to think otherwise. But my heart knows that you will never know about my gift if I don’t reveal it to you. My gift refuses to be hidden. But my heart doesn’t seem to have the courage to take a chance on you. My heart thinks about the day after I allow you to see the crevices of my dark spaces, the places where my secrets, my fears, my goals lie. What then? Will you give me a tour of the places where you whisper your secrets? My heart knows better. You haven’t seen me then, and you are not going to see me now. I am not one to give up easily however I know when I should bow out. This is one of those things that are out my hands, out of my control. But how long can I wait until my heart and dark spaces settle their differences?

Random Thoughts

• I am completely exhausted! But I have an extra busy week to look forward to!
• This weekend was fun but I have realized that partying and studying don't mix to well for me...I will be studying hard core within the next 48 hours!!
• I love hanging out with my WLCE girls. They are the best! I'm looking forward to more memories with them!
• Patty is a hoot..gotta love her!
• School is exhausting!
• I'm looking forward to the summer. But I know I will be itching to come back to Columbus, Ohio State, and my life here. It's crazy to think that college is going to be over soon. I am going to enjoy every minute of it
• I haven't written a poem in a while. My hands are craving to put pen to paper
• My emotions have been everywhere!! I'm finally getting them under control. I think...
• I love to sleep!!

AAAAH!

AAaahh!! 2:26 AM and I have a midterm at 830AM!!
This should be interesting....
I hope I am still able to pull out a decent grade!
SLEEP!

V1: Take time to realize, That your warmth isCrashing down on in.Take time to realize,That I am on your sideDidn't I, Didn't I tell you.But I can't spell it out for you, No it's never gonna be that simpleNo I cant spell it out for youC: If you just realize what I just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each otherand will never find anotherJust realized what I just realizedwe'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.V2: Take time to realizeOh-oh I'm on your sidedidn't I, didn't I tell you.Take time to realizeThis all can pass you byDidn't I tell youBut I can't spell it out for you,no it's never gonna be that simpleno I can't spell it out for you.C: If you just realized what I just realizedthen we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another Just realized what I just realizedwe'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.V3: It's not always the sameno it's never the same if you don't feel it too.If you meet me half wayIf you would meet me half way.It could be the same for you.C: If you just realize what I just realizedthen we'd be perfect for each other then we'd never find another Just realize what I just realizedwe'd never have to wonder Just realize what I just realizedIf you just realize what I just realizedOoOoOOomissed out on each other nowmissed out on each other nowRealize, realizerealize, realize

What a Wonderful World

Life is good. I'm twenty!!! It feels gOod!!
I'm trying to take things one day at a time and enjoy everyday!
I am so blessed to see another year on this earth <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">siStaH conFused when it comes to these boys....well one in particular.
For now, I am tucking my feelings towards him in small, safe place. I don't know how long they will be there.....
Besides that everything is going well. Just gotta stay focused on my goals!!
STAY on my GRIND =)